I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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