fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
