you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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