she was so not down for the gang bang
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
