She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
