I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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