Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
