He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
