I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
