You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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