well most of my day revolves around power hour
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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