you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
