I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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