i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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