You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You pole danced in your parka.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
