Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
