Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
