Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
