Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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