I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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