I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Randomize
