We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
