I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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