dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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