1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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