Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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