i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
