turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
There's even glitter on my cock...
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