Everything about him screamed your future.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
