I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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