the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
