I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
