Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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