yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
