I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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