Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
