just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
