im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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