dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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