The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize