I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
