Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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