he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
