Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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