what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
