i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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