Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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