She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
