Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
