I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
