it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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