i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
