Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
