She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
a search helicopter?!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
