I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
