i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
