I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
