I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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