so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
