you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
