I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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