I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
