Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
