eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
