her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
