In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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