and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
