you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
