she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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