i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
