It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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