mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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