New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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