4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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