You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
