And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
