I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
