Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
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he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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