I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
