Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
